Category: Deuteronomy

Deuteronomy Chapters 33 & 34

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Moses gives his final blessing to Israel and it’s a review of the tribes of Israel and a description of each, which is nearly identical to Genesis 49, except that Simeon and Issachar are missing, so only ten tribes are listed and blessed. Simeon was combined with Judah, but I can’t seem to find what happened to Issachar.

I am going to let my favorite Twitter/X source explain this in a thread…

Unfortunately, I lose his services after this post because he only talked about the Torah. Go follow him anyway because he is knowledgeable.

So essentially, it’s nearly identical to Genesis 49, except that it’s now about the tribes and not Jacob’s children. There’s really not much else for me to say about it. It’s another poem in as many chapters, and others can explain it much better than I can.

OK, let’s wrap up this book and this section. Chapter 34 is about the death and burial of Moses. Moses goes up Mount Nebo so that he can see the land that Lord has given his people, but as we have learned ad nauseam in this book, he will not be allowed to enter. Mention is made of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and God’s promise to them to give them the land for their descendants.

Moses dies and is buried in the valley Moab, but nobody knows where his burial place is. He died at 120 and the people Israel mourned for thirty days.

If Moses truly wrote all of the Pentateuch, this chapter would certainly be a feat since it ends a month after he died. Of course, “the most humble man to ever live” must have written about himself:

10Never since has there arisen a prophet in Israel like Moses, whom the LORD knew face to face. 11He was unequaled for all the signs and wonders that the LORD sent him to perform in the land of Egypt, against Pharaoh and all his servants and his entire land, 12and for all the mighty deeds and all the terrifying displays of power that Moses performed in the sight of all Israel.

Bibles, Harper . NRSV Bible with the Apocrypha (p. 502). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Yeah, Moses definitely wrote his own obituary. That tracks.

So here I am, finally, at the end of the Pentateuch. I am going to jump right into Joshua starting next week, but I am also thinking about doing Psalm Sunday which is kind of self-explanatory. I may do that with all of the writings instead of treating them like the chronology.

Deuteronomy Chapter 32

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And now, coming from the 120 year-old newcomer to the Top 40, we have Moses and the Israelites singing their debut single, “The Song of Moses.” I’m going to talk about some of the verses, but not all of them. I’m sure it sounds better in the original Hebrew. Most songs do. I mean, have you heard “99 Luftballoons ” in English? Horrible. Anyway, I digress.

This is a long song. It It’s even longer with the Rick Wakeman keyboard solo (that was for friend of the blog, Oliver Rockside).

4The Rock, his work is perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God, without deceit, just and upright is he; 5yet his degenerate children have dealt falsely with him, a perverse and crooked generation.

Bibles, Harper . NRSV Bible with the Apocrypha (p. 493). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

When you get to make up the rules as you go along, everything is “just”. “Without deceit”? God’s first words to Adam were a bald faced lie He also admits to being jealous on numerous occasions.

The song appears to mark a transition from the polytheistic tradition as seen in verse 8 to a declaration that there is only one God. In verse 39. Of course, when we get to Job, we’re introduced to a member of the hierarchy, ha Satan, the accuser. Verse 17:

17They sacrificed to demons, not God, to deities they had never known, to new ones recently arrived, whom your ancestors had not feared. 18You were unmindful of the Rock that bore you; you forgot the God who gave you birth.

Bibles, Harper . NRSV Bible with the Apocrypha (p. 494). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Here the author is saying that any other gods are actually demons of recent creation. The gods of old are replaced by “The Rock”, which is God’s name for himself. This will change in the New Testament when Jesus names Peter the Rock.

The song then goes into the jealousy of God because then he can abandon the Israelites and then save them, or rather the leaders of the religion can claim that God saved them.

Then Moses instructs his people to basically memorize the song and make sure to observe every word of the law…again. Finally God tells Moses to go up on Mount Nebo to die I mean, isn’t he 120 years old and can’t move around much? I hope he had help getting up there. Moses will be allowed to see Canaan, but not enter it because he broke faith by hitting a rock. With his staff a while back.

Deuteronomy Chapter 31

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Moses is now 120 years old and can’t get around much anymore. I wonder if a mobility scooter would help? He tells Israel not to be afraid because God is going to precede them into the promised land and destroy the nations that are there. We get another reminder that he did the same in earlier chapters to other kings. Also, he reminds Israel that he will not be crossing with them because way back when he hit a rock with his staff and that was an affront to God. Talk about holding grudges. Then he announces, again, that Joshua will be leading them across the Jordan.

So, after announcing that there will be bloodshed and violence and a new guy at the helm, it only makes sense to talk about the law again. Every seven years, at the festival of booths, all of the people will be brought together and the law will be read in its entirety. This is so that the people will hear it and fear God. I really hope that they have the law written down in an easy-to-read place instead of having to go through these past four books where the laws are just carelessly strewn about.

God calls Moses and Joshua, the new guy, to the tent of meeting to tell them that after Moses dies, which will be soon, that the Israelites will start turning to other gods and they will notice that God isn’t there defending them. So, like any 1980’s afterschool special, Moses is told to write a song and teach it to the people so that they won’t forget.

24When Moses had finished writing down in a book the words of this law to the very end, 25Moses commanded the Levites who carried the ark of the covenant of the LORD…”

Bibles, Harper . NRSV Bible with the Apocrypha (p. 492). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

OK, good news: there is a book of laws. Bad news: it’s with the Ark of the Covenant which likely doesn’t exist, or it’s in a secret government warehouse. Anyway, he tells the Levites that they’re stubborn and rebellious and that he is going to teach him the new song he just wrote. I read ahead, it’s no Lennon and McCartney collab, it’s more like something Jim Steiman would write. Just picture it sung by Meatloaf.

Deuteronomy Chapters 28, 29, & 30

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This has nothing to do with the post.

I was wrong about Chapter 28. Yes, it takes up a lot of pages and uses lots of words, but it’s all was just about how God will punish the Israelites if they don’t keep all of his commandments. Some of these punishments have to do with agriculture, was, and weather. In other words, things that are out of the sole control of any one group of people. Many of the punishments are truly cruel, like:

41You shall have sons and daughters, but they shall not remain yours, for they shall go into captivity.

Bibles, Harper . NRSV Bible with the Apocrypha (p. 483). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Later in verse 53, they are told that they will cannibalize their own children.

53In the desperate straits to which the enemy siege reduces you, you will eat the fruit of your womb, the flesh of your own sons and daughters whom the LORD your God has given you.

Bibles, Harper . NRSV Bible with the Apocrypha (p. 484). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

They will also refuse to feed their own families. This chapter is nothing more that gratuitous torture porn, where the author just thinks of all the absolute worst things that would happen and that’s exactly what God will do if don’t follow every word of every law. If we go from Exodus 20 to Deuteronomy 26, and follow every law, I’m sure we would break a few laws due to contradiction. Personally, I cannot abide by a God that condones slavery. 

Next, in Chapter 29, the covenant is renewed (yet again). And again, we are reminded of the time that Israelites were enslaved in Egypt and the cool stuff God did to show off. Then, they wandered in the desert for forty years even though the trip should have taken less than a full day.

You would think that the number of time their enslavement is brought up, they would be like “You know what? Being a slave sucks, let’s not do that.” But no, instead they wrote chapter upon chapter about where to get and how to treat slaves. Then we get more warnings about what will happen if you don’t follow the law. Examples of Sodom and Gomorrah and Admah and Zeboiim are given. How many times do we need to give these same warnings?

Chapter 30 assures the Israelites that if they return from their disobedience and obey the law, their fortunes will be restored and he’ll have compassion on them. This chapter, like the previous two, is just restating the same things. If you obey, good stuff. If you don’t, bad stuff. It’s like there were three different accounts of the same tale and the compilers decided to just put all three in. I’m glad I’m getting to the end of this section. I look forward to narrative.

Deuteronomy Chapters 26 & 27

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Here we are, the last chapter of laws Oh, there’s still eight more chapters of blessings, curses, warnings and the death of Moses. Oops, sorry, spoilers. I have to say, the laws have been … excessive. Anyway, on to the final law.

This law is no different than the rest of the offering and tithe laws that we’ve seen. There is the matter of reminding the people that God brought them out of Egypt and is giving them a land that is already occupied and under the control of… checks notes…uh, Egypt. I did learn from a friend of mine that the offerings were consumed by the Levite priests since, as we found out in previous chapters, they receive no allocation or inheritance The other thing I notice in this section is the constant refrain throughout, leading me to believe that this is a song or poem.

Finally, we get to the section titled, “Concluding exhortation”. To sum up, God has agreed to be their God and the Israelites have agreed to be his people and follow every statute, commandment, and ordinance and he will elevate his people above all nations. I should really ask my friend what the differences are between statutes, commandments, and ordinances. I know, I can Google it, but I prefer to talk to friends.

I decided to knock out the next chapter because it’s fairly short and mostly review. It starts with Moses telling the people to set up large, plaster-covered stones when they first enter Canaan. They are to write every word of all these laws on them. That’s a lot of words to write. Then they have to build an altar and make a burnt offering to the Lord.

What I find funny here is that there is no prescribed offering. Every other time a command for an offering is made, there is an exhaustive description. This time around, bupkiss. Also, they were expected to write every word of the law on those stones from memory, unless there was somebody writing it all down.

The final section is twelve curses which is just the Levites cursing anyone who doesn’t follow eleven randomly selected laws follow by cursing anyone who doesn’t follow all the laws. They could have saved time and their voices.

OK, I thought about including Chapter 28, but it’s long. I’ll save it for the next post.

Deuteronomy Chapter 25

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Here we go again, another chapter of laws that are seemingly made up on the spot. If God (or a god) wrote this book, wouldn’t it be a bit more organized. As it is, the Bible is mess Imagine having to reference a law in the text without the internet. Anyway, let’s get going.

The first section deals with litigation in which the person in the wrong is deserving of flogging. If he is found guilty, then he will be lashed in front of the one that he had the dispute with. He will receive forty lashes, but no more because that would be degrading.

Now this where things go off the rails because now we jump to marriage… but first…. verse four:

4You shall not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain.

Bibles, Harper . NRSV Bible with the Apocrypha (p. 475). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Why? What is the rhyme or reason to this verse being here? According to the Oxford commentary, this verse probably should have gone with Deut. 24:19-20 since it’s discussing agriculture. You’d think some scribe would have figured that out. Anyway, let’s move on.

This chapter started off typical for marriage in the Bible. If brothers live together and one dies, without having a son, his brother will “know his dead brother’s wife” and her firstborn will take the name of her deceased husband. Basically, the woman us passed along as property. Then things take a turn and left me chuckling by the end.

If the brother doesn’t want his brother’s wife (she has no say, obviously) then she’ll tell the elders at the gate and if the brother confirms this, then the widow will pull off his sandal, spit in his face, and declare that he is the one who won’t build up his brother’s house. This is where I chuckled, this family will forever be known as “The house of him whose sandal was pulled off. ” I’m sure it sounds better in Hebrew. There is no mention if the other (living) brother is married himself. It’s not that it matters in this book. I also wonder if that name at the end has been carried down to present day. Just wondering.

Now for more, various laws that could have been better organized. First, if a wife intervenes to help her husband in the a fight by grabbing his assailants junk, her hand will be cut off. Then there’s a low about only carrying honest weights and measures, obviously referring to doing honest commerce. And then there’s the final paragraph. I’m going to include in its entirety.

17Remember what Amalek did to you on your journey out of Egypt, 18how he attacked you on the way, when you were faint and weary, and struck down all who lagged behind you; he did not fear God. 19Therefore when the LORD your God has given you rest from all your enemies on every hand, in the land that the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance to possess, you shall blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven; do not forget.

Bibles, Harper . NRSV Bible with the Apocrypha (p. 476). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

OK, remember Amalek so that you can forget Amalek. Also, let’s write it in a book so that you can be reminded to remember that you have to forget him. Don’t forget. Or do forget. I forget which.

Deuteronomy Chapter 24

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Note to self: Update Biblical Marriage List

This book is getting hectic now. It’s just listing rule after rule as if the author is racing to meet a deadline (kind of like I’m doing right now). I’m thinking about just listing the laws and commenting.

Marriage and divorce in the Bible are weird. I’m not sure Christians should really point to this book to show examples of marriage. In this section, if a man dislikes something about his wife, and he finds something objectionable about her (no examples given) he can just write a certificate of divorce, put it in her hand, and kick here to the curb. If she becomes another man’s wife but then he dislikes something about her (or he dies), her first husband isn’t allowed to take her
back. That would be abhorrent.

I notice, obviously, this is a one way deal. The man makes all the decisions. The woman can’t decide to kick her man to the curb. Have I mentioned yet that I prefer living today? I do.

OK, rapid fire – I may skip a few.

A newly married mans can’t go out with the army or any other such duty for one year. It’s nice that he can enjoy time with his wife get her pregnant and leave for battle right after the kid is born.

Don’t kidnap, enslave, or sell another Israelite or be put to death. Uh, the author misspelled “person”.

There are a couple laws here about showing respect for poor people. That means the people who take this book “literally” don’t actually follow these rules.

Parents won’t be put to death for their children or vice versa, but we’re still supposed be told we’re broken and dirty for something a dirt man and a rib woman did.

If you leave wheat or grapes in the field or vineyard, leave it for someone who might need it. Again, another law that not enough people follow.

Deuteronomy Chapter 23

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“I’m gonna build my own assembly…”

This chapter is yet another mélange of rules that aren’t entirely clear. I starts off talking about “the assembly of the Lord”, but does not really explain what it is. According to the Oxford commentary, it might have to do with the Kingdom of Judah, but they don’t know what the purpose of these assemblies would have been. I also consulted my favorite Torah historian on Twitter/X, Joel Baden, and he has a few guesses, but there is nothing concrete about them.

1NO ONE whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off shall be admitted to the assembly of the LORD. 2Those born of an illicit union shall not be admitted to the assembly of the LORD. Even to the tenth generation, none of their descendants shall be admitted to the assembly of the LORD.

Bibles, Harper . NRSV Bible with the Apocrypha (p. 471). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Naturally, verse 1 is commonly used to justify discrimination against trans people, but more likely it’s about baby-making ability. Of course, I hope that baby isn’t born of an illicit relationship, because they won’t be allow in this mysterious assembly. Ammonites and Moabites aren’t allowed in either, even to the tenth generation. They are commanded not to hate the Edomites and Egyptians and the children of the third generation will be admitted. Does this mean that after the tenth generation, Ammonites and Moabites will be admitted? Or does “even to the tenth generation mean forever? Again, for me these laws are useless, and it helps more to bolster my idea that the Bible is not an instruction manual for life.

Next, we have laws about sanitation around a military camp. Because the Lord travels with the camp, he doesn’t want to see any poop. It has to be done outside of the camp and buried when finished. There is also mention of nocturnal emissions and the person that has that has to remain outside of camp until the following night.

15Slaves who have escaped to you from their owners shall not be given back to them. 16They shall reside with you, in your midst, in any place they choose in any one of your towns, wherever they please; you shall not oppress them.

Bibles, Harper . NRSV Bible with the Apocrypha (p. 472). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

According to the Oxford Commentary, this is just as I suspected. This is referring to foreign slaves of foreign masters. I would think it’s a bit of thumbing of their noses at the foreign masters, basically saying, “Nyah, nyah, we got your slaves and we’re letting them live free here.”

There is also a law against Israelites being temple prostitutes, going by the translation offered in the NRSV. There are some translation issues, but I will go on with a plain reading here. God will not accept offerings from wages gained as a result of prostitution. Speaking of money, Israelites will not charge other Israelites interest on loans, but they can charge interest on loans to foreigners.

There is a warning about making vows to God that you fail to keep, or you will incur guilt. Guilt? Really? God has softened up; two books ago, this would have been easily punishable by death. To put this in modern terms, don’t make promises you won’t keep or don’t let your mouth write check that your body can’t cash.

Finally, some good neighbor laws that actually make some sense. If you go into your neighbor’s vineyard or field, take only what you need in that moment. Don’t fill a basket with grapes, or cut down his grain with a sickle. Take only what you can carry. This is actually a nice, plain text, easy to follow rule. It’s also common sense.

Deuteronomy Chapter 22, Part 2

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I told you wrote this in pink.

Welcome back to Chapter 22. This section is horrific which means that there is death ahead. It’s such a bad chapter section that I’m writing this in pink ink to cheer me up.

The latter half of chapter 22 is laws concerning sexual relations and it is exactly as awful  as you think it is. First up, if a husband says that his new wife isn’t a virgin, then the father of the woman must produce evidence of her virginity. If they produce a sheet with the blood of the woman the man slandering her will have to pay one hundred shekels of silver to the father, and he must remain married to her. He can never divorce her… lucky her…

If the parents of the woman can’t produce evidence of her virginity, the min of her town well stone her to death because she prostituted herself in her father’s house. This is disgusting because the “virginity test “is very unreliable, a majority of women do not shed blood their first time. This would mean, if accurate, many women were falsely killed.

If a man is caught sleeping with another man’s wife then they will both be killed. If a man rapes an engaged virgin in town, then they’ll both be killed because she obviously didn’t cry for help. Had this rape taken place in the countryside, she may have cried out for help, but nobody heard her. Only the man dies in this case.

If a man rapes an unengaged virgin and they are caught, the man pays her father fifty shekels of silver and she becomes his wife. He can never divorce her. This is biblical justice. The final sentence is the chef’s kiss for this mess of a chapter.

30A man shall not marry his father’s wife, thereby violating his father’s rights.

Bibles, Harper . NRSV Bible with the Apocrypha (p. 471). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Now do you see why I had split this chapter up? This chapter is not at all about, “sexual relations,” It’s about property crimes, because that’s all women are in this book. These laws are about remuneration to a dishonored father and nothing more. The only thing worse than this chapter are the people today who insist on defending it. I’m sorry, but if you defend this repugnant shit because it’s, ” the word of God,” then I will not feel guilty not respecting you.

Deuteronomy Chapter 22, Part 1

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Deut. 22: 12 (AI can’t spell)

This chapter is a mess of rules It starts but with actual decent advice about being a good neighbor by saying that if they see their neighbor’s livestock run away or injured, they are required to help. This is good advice and should be followed As I’m writing this, it’s windy outside, and if I’m outside and I see a garbage can rolling down the street, I try to find out where it belongs, or I’ll just secure it. That’s what his section is about.

https://x.com/JoelBaden/status/1653016182616731652?s=20

However, reading Joel Baden’s Twitter feed on this, it turns out that this only applies to fellow Israelites, kinsmen, and not the broader “neighbors”.

5A woman shall not wear a man’s apparel, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment; for whoever does such things is abhorrent to the LORD your God.

Bibles, Harper . NRSV Bible with the Apocrypha (p. 469). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Verse 5 is a prohibition against cross-dressing, or drag. It is abhorrent to God. Looking it up and, yep, it says exactly what it says. If you’re an Israelite living at the time of this writing, you better not be wearing your wife’s frock or your husband’s belt. This is a perfect example of why the Bible isn’t the “instruction manual for life.” What’s the harm here? I’ll come back to this in few more verses because other rules that most don’t follow.

The next paragraph jumps to what to do if you come across a bird’s nest. Let the mother live, but feel free to take the young or the eggs. The reason? In order that you may go well and live long. Whatever that means.

Next up, building code, because it makes sense in this chapter. When building a new house, make sure the roof has a parapet. This is in case someone might fall from it, your house will bear the guilt. How about, “Stay off the roof!”

Next up, don’t plant a second kind of plant in your field or  the whole yield will have to be given up. You also shouldn’t yoke an ox and a donkey together to plow the field. You shouldn’t wear clothes of mixed fabrics (wool and linen), and you must also attach tassels to your clothes, again because reasons.

Going back to verse 5, why should Christians point to that rule as “God’s command” while ignoring the rest of this section? I don’t ever hear Christians yelling at my dad for his vegetable garden or for wearing a cotton/poly blend t-shirt. This is because they only want to follow the parts that they agree with. That’s why evangelicals aren’t trying to bring tassels into fashion.

This is first for me on this blog. The next section of this chapter deserves its own post, so I will be back Wednesday with Part 2. It involves completely unrelated subject matter to this.